Well, Zlatan spurned MLS for some team called Manchester United. Really, Zlatan? If I wanted to play for an over-hyped, overpaid, and underwhelming team with crummy Adidas uniforms, I'd rather go play for LA; it's much warmer there.
1. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 1)
Tim Howard made his Colorado debut this week in a 0-0 draw at home against Portland in front of the biggest crowd the Rapids have had in awhile. Colorado remains in first in this week's power rankings, but you have to wonder if the overachieving attack can score enough goals through the second half of the season to keep Colorado in the Supporters' Shield hunt. The Rapids defense is the best in the league having only given up 11 goals, and you'd expect Howard to keep plenty of balls from reaching the back of the net, but that Jermaine Jones-led attack might begin to falter as the season grows long.
2. FC Dallas (Last Week: 2)
Orlando City fans got a taste of just how good Dallas can be, and the boys from Frisco reclaimed first place in the league after their 4-0 victory. In the last two years, it's been said many times over by people much smarter than me: Dallas is downright dangerous and scary when the switch is flipped to the on position.
3. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 3)
RSL drew at home to D.C. 1-1 this weekend. Jeff Cassar's rebuilt attack is tied for third in the league in goals scored.
4. New York City FC (Last Week: 12)
Well, as the kids say, game recognize game. Since getting waxed by the Red Bulls 7-0 a few weeks ago, NYCFC has now won three straight to jump to the top of the Eastern Conference, including avenging that loss this week at Yankee Stadium. Will they win the East? Can Frank Lampard actually play half of a season? Will Jack Harrison continue to emerge as one of the best young players in the league? Your guess is as good as mine.
5. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 8)
By my count that's two crazy tackles that led to red cards for Nigel De Jong so far this season. LA has 17 games left this season, and I'm setting the over/under on more crazed De Jong tackles at 4.5.
6. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 5)
Portland drew 0-0 on the road against Tim Howard and Colorado. Despite the stank that last statement has all over it, Portland has not lost in six games in a row and now has six wins, six losses, and six ties.
GUYS CALEB PORTER IS THE DEVIL I MEAN DO YOU NEED MORE EVIDENCE
7. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 11)
Montreal won at home this week over New England. That's one loss in nine games for the Impact, which is a streak that includes a remarkable six draws. Third in the East, Montreal needs to start turning some of those draws into wins if they plan to jump up the ladder.
8. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 14)
Graham Zusi and Matt Besler both scored on their returns to the SKC lineup. Remember when I said Kansas City might be better off without them? That was a joke. This team is way better with the two of them wearing sky blue and kicking the ball.
9. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 3)
Since claiming the league's longest winning streak of the season, the Red Bulls are winless in three games. In the Eastern Conference though, you can go awhile without winning without losing much ground, and Harrison, N.J.'s favorite team sits fourth.
10. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 7)
Vancouver got a taste of what LA can do when the Galaxy are at their best. Even despite going up a man, the Caps couldn't do much against a just about full-strength LA.
11. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 6)
Philly was the pacesetter for much of the season in the East, but lost this week against a hapless Houston Dynamo. Not a good look. Philly has now lost two straight, both to Western Conference foes, and are looking up at NYCFC in the Eastern Conference standings.
12. San Jose Earthquakes (Las Week: 9)
San Jose lost at Chicago this week, which is like losing to your little sister in arm wrestling. The Quakes have now dropped to eighth place in the West, but would be fifth in the East.
13. Orlando City (Last Week: 10)
Sometimes you just gotta move on to the next one. That's exactly what Orlando should do this week. Dallas is really good, and really good teams have really good nights. It just so happened Orlando was in Frisco on a night when Dallas was in top gear. Not a good result, but in the big picture not a damning on either. The Lions are still in the thick of the playoff fight.
14. Toronto FC (Last Week: 14)
Michael Bradley should be returning to the TFC lineup soon, but there's no sign of Giovinco's form returning. The diminutive Italian who so often is the engine that makes Toronto go is in a pretty serious drought of late and his team has felt it. The Reds have won just once since May 14.
15. D.C. United (Last Week: 15)
Bizarro RSL drew on the road at RSL this week. What's the old cliché? The whole is greater than the sum of its parts? I think D.C. is hoping and praying that that saying has credence. An up-and-down season has Ben Olsen's fellows fifth in the East.
16. New England Revolution (Last Week: 16)
Kei Kamara's goal this week gave you a taste of what that guy can do when he's not bickering with teammates over penalties. However, New England's problems run deeper than just the attack. New England now has the worst goal differential in the league, and Jay Heaps is on the hot seat.
17. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 19)
This week's win was either a referendum on Western Conference dominance, a referendum on Owen Coyle, or simply an Independence Day weekend anomaly. Houston's win was its first since May 15.
18. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 18)
Jordan Morris gave us another glimpse of the talent that has everybody giddy. Still don't really understand why Wondo was picked for the Copa América over Morris. Morris' goal this week was 10 times better than any Wondo has scored in his entire career.
19. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 20)
Chicago's win over San Jose was a three-way combination of some of my least favorite things in MLS: the San Jose Earthquakes (yuck), the Chicago Fire (yawn), and Ramses Sandoval on the play-by-play (yikes).
20. Columbus Crew (Last Week: 17)
Columbus drops to the cellar by virtue of Chicago and Houston's wins this week, but they've done enough to deserve this rank themselves. Last season's runnners-up have won just once since April. This has got to be one of the worst seasons for an MLS Cup finalist ever, right?