This weekend might have marked the farthest down the sports totem pole I've seen MLS in recent memory. First of all, you had LeBron crying on America's televisions Sunday night, Dustin Johnson shaking the monkey off his back and winning the U.S. Open, and Father's Day weekend baseball complete with baby blue jerseys for everyone (because what says Cincinnati Reds quite like a baby blue jersey?). Meanwhile, soccer die-hards had their collective attention split because of the European Championship in the morning and afternoon, followed by the Copa América at night, leaving MLS to catch the scrappiest of scraps from the sporting table.
Oh, well. Who am I to complain about MLS being far down the totem pole? I'm not doing so well myself.
1. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 1)
The Rapids have gone from a cute little ripple in the stream to a raging, Class VI whitewater danger. Pablo Mastroeni and Co. just keep piling up the victories, of which they have nine total, including a 2-1 win at home over Chicago this week. Colorado is unbeaten in its last 10 games, dating back to an April 9 loss to RSL.
2. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 5)
The Bulls are now the hottest team in MLS, having won four straight games by a combined 13-0, which includes their 7-0 shellacking of the other New York team, and are now in second place in the Eastern Conference.
3. FC Dallas (Last Week: 3)
Three games without a win for Dallas, which is tied for its longest such streak this season. Dallas has RSL, Orlando and San Jose for its next three, so you'd expect them to have trouble with their Western Conference counterparts, only to draw with Orlando in between.
4. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 2)
LA has mostly squandered its game-in-hand advantage, and now sits on the edge of the playoff group in the Western Conference. There's a long summer ahead and I still expect the Galaxy to make a run at first, but what once seemed like a foregone conclusion now has a question mark next to it.
5. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 4)
Philly lost at Yankee Stadium this week, where Andrea Pirlo scored his first MLS goal. Look out Landon Donovan, Andrea "Nonno" is coming for your goal record.
6. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 6)
Considering the circumstances, you've got to give San Jose credit for grabbing a tie on the road in Orlando this week. The Quakes had to feel like the villains in the plot, considering the recent tragedy in Orlando and the way Orlando City, the fans and the league showed support for the victims.
7. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 7)
8. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 9)
RSL and Portland drew 2-2 this week, which preserved RSL's unbeaten record at home and Portland's winless record on the road.
9. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 8)
(Read in the voice of former Price is Right announcer Rod Roddy)
Congrats Vancouver, you have made it to the Canadian Championship final! You're one win away from playing CONCACAF Champions League Soccer next season, which means you will be have the chance to travel to beautiful Costa Rica, Panama and perhaps Mexico!
Don't you think teams would care more about the CCL if they advertised it as a vacation? (Yeah, I know I'm desperate for the CCL to matter.)
10. Toronto FC (Last Week: 11)
A Toronto FC defender scored the winning goal this week against LA, which is one of the few nice things anyone has ever said about a Toronto FC defender.
11. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 10)
Montreal drew 0-0 with C-Bus this week, which means they deserve to lose a point in the standings #DeathTo0-0
12. Orlando City (Last Week: 12)
Orlando has now overcome the early pace-setter New England as the drawingest team in the league with eight. Tying every game might be able to get you through the group in a watered-down Euros where third place can be good enough to advance, but it is not good enough to make the playoffs, even in the watered-down Eastern Conference where bad teams will advance.
13. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 14)
SKC ended their recent winless skid with a 2-0 win over Dallas. Perhaps Matt Besler and Graham Zusi have been holding this team back?
14. New England Revolution (Last Week: 15)
With the Revs' win this week, they leapfrogged D.C. and Orlando for a playoff position in this week's Eastern Conference standings. Welcome to the Eastern Conference in Major League Soccer, a giant game of leapfrog.
15. D.C. United (Last Week: 13)
D.C. drew 0-0 this week with Houston, for which they deserve to be completely irrelevant for the rest of the season.
16. New York City FC (Last Week: 17)
New York probably deserves to be higher based on its current third-place standing in the East and its win over conference-leading Philly this week, but this team still has that 7-0 stank all over from the loss to the Red Bulls a couple of weeks ago. New York currently has a -6 goal differential, which is worst in the league, but expect them to continue moving up this board despite that fact if they can string a couple more wins together.
17. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 16)
If Clint Dempsey is so important to the USMNT, he has to be even more important to the Sounders. So without Clint Dempsey, this team isn't itself. Regardless, the Sounders' Dempsey-less losses still count in the standings, and they've got a five-point uphill climb to get back into playoff contention.
18. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 18)
See section 11.
19. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 19)
See section 15.
20. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 20)
Chicago has been in last place in these rankings for so long that they've bought furniture.