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The Mane Land 2016 Major League Soccer Power Rankings: Week 8

LA jumps to the top of the power rankings after Dallas lost this week. Also, we've got an idea for a reality show called "Where in the World is Frank Lampard?" It's hosted by Nick Cannon.

I think he retired without telling anyone
I think he retired without telling anyone
Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

In case you haven't heard, Leicester City won the Premier League in England on Monday night. At 5000-to-1 odds, I'm really wondering how drunk the bookmakers were when they decided the favorites for the season. I get it, Leicester was a long shot, but 5000-to-1 is ridiculous.

Leicester clinched the league with only three losses all season. By comparison, no team in MLS had fewer than 10 losses all year in 2015, and the team with the most losses had 20. That is how you know that the league values parity above all else.

1. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 2)

LA jumps to the front by default. Are the Galaxy going to be better than Dallas in the long run? I don't think so. For now though -- because of Dallas' recent rough patch -- LA jumps to the top of the heap.

2. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 3)

RSL and LA are tied for the fewest losses in the league this season (one) and so they hold the top two places in these power rankings accordingly.

3. FC Dallas (Last Week: 1)

What happened, Dallas? The Hoops got smashed 4-0 on the road in New York to a team that has been reeling for most of this season. Still, just another hiccup. The story of Dallas is still the same as before: young, fast, dangerous and talented. Still the favorite in my book to win things come the end of the season.

4. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 4)

A 2-2 road tie on Montreal is a good result for Colorado. Any team would be happy stealing a point on the road against the team leading the East, but that is especially true for the Rapids who are trying to turn themselves into something of an MLS Leicester City. Colorado finished 19th in the standings last year.

5. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 5)

San Jose has 15 points and only two losses this season, but has also failed to score three goals in a game. Jogo Bonito indeed.

6. Toronto FC (Last Week: 6)

The MVP continues to do MVP things for Toronto, and the Reds continue to succeed on the road despite their loss on Sunday. The Operation Stay Afloat World Tour came to an end with that 2-1 loss at Portland, and Toronto now finds itself securely in the playoff picture in the East, having secured 11 points so far without playing a home game.

7. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 7)

Two draws in a week for the Impact, who still top the East. I'm not convinced the Impact are the best team in the East, but Toronto will do a lot towards deciding that once it gets some home games under its belt.

8. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 8)

Two draws in a week for the still very dangerous Kansas Citizens. It wasn't the most spectacular goal I've ever seen, but Brad Davis' strike against LA this week was incredibly satisfying to watch.

We need more of that sort of satisfaction in MLS.

9. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 9)

Still not sure if Philadelphia is legit. The Union have beaten one bona fide playoff contender (Orlando) and have lost three games so far. However, Philly might not even need to be legit to make the playoffs in the East this season.

10. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 10)

Two draws in a week for Vancouver. The 'Caps continue to be solid, but solid might not be good enough to qualify for the postseason in the West.

11. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 12)

If we did an MLS fantasy draft four years ago, I think I'd pick Diego Valeri first overall. When the guy isn't hurt, he's one of the best players in the league and this week was no disappointment. A terrific assist on the first goal, and a great free kick from about 30 yards out against Toronto.

12. Orlando City (Last Week: 11)

Considering Orlando is playing well enough without Kaká to maintain playoff position, don't you think the Lions will be able to contend for a one seed once he comes back? Oh wait, Copa América. Right.

13. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 13)

Jordan Morris has made it three goals in three games. Do you hear that chugging? That's the J-Mo Hype Train leaving the station. You better jump on board or jump out of the way.

14. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 16)

It's amazing what one win can do for a team. Suddenly the Red Bulls look like the most dangerous team in the league after their 4-0 demolition of Dallas at home this week. They have now scored more goals in two games (seven) than they had previously all season (five), which included five shutout losses.

15. D.C. United (Last Week: 14)

The fact that D.C. United will probably make the playoffs this season makes me hate MLS, the playoff system and soccer in general.

16. New England Revolution (Last Week: 17)

I've said it already this season, but I'll reiterate it now: New England is just good enough to bother their opponents into a tie, but not good enough to actually beat them. The Revs lead the league with seven ties in only 10 games so far this season.

17. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 15)

Just when you thought C-Bus was getting a little momentum, the Crew go and drop a dud at Seattle. Still, a long way to go this season. As Matt Doyle pointed out in one of his column's this week, the Crew were 4-6-5 to start off last season, so a slow start isn't the end of the world.

18. New York City FC (Last Week: 19)

There should be a reality show called Where in the World is Frank Lampard? Wouldn't you watch that? We'll get Nick Cannon to host, and he'll span the globe looking him. Each episode will feature Nick looking around one location in the world for the full hour. Is he in the Manchester City locker room? No. Is he hiding somewhere in Stamford Bridge? Nope. Is he on the beach in Fiji, enjoying a cocktail? Don't think so. The season finale will show Nick going into a manhole in the Bronx, rummaging around the sewers until he finds Lampard with a Saddam Hussein-style beard, eating left over pizza and speaking broken English.

Oh, the Soccer Yankees won this week.

19. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 18)

Can't wait for Chicago to make a run to the U.S. Open Cup final, which stupefies everyone in the American soccer world.

20. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 20)

I don't even know what to say about Houston. You mean to tell me that this team has half the points D.C. does? I'm so confused.