We can all agree that sometimes in MLS it is best to just blame the referees and move on. Can I get an amen, Brad Evans?
#geiger'd— Brad Evans (@brad_evans3) March 20, 2016
It's no secret that MLS players sometimes have a beef with the officials, and that's fine. It's the same in every sport in every league everywhere. I, for one, am happy that MLS has such poor referees. Why? Because it affords me the opportunity to read such terrific satire from our friends at Sounder at Heart.
So thank you, Mark Geiger. Without you, I wouldn't have had such an enjoyable lunch today.
1. FC Dallas (Last Week: 2)
Dallas reclaims the top spot after beating a Montreal team that included Didier Drogba for the first time this season, 2-0. The MVP of this game was the large blue tarp which saved our eyes from seeing swaths of red bleachers, left unoccupied by the tepid soccer fans of Frisco, Texas.
MLS teams that play in small soccer-specific stadiums have tarps over seats in the year of our lord 2016— Kevin McCauley (@kevinmccauley) March 20, 2016
Dallas Frisco Fever: Can you feel it?!
2. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 3)
Here's to hoping SKC goes on some kind of Golden State Warriors-like run to start the season. Kansas City is the only perfect team left in the league. Someone go tell the '72 Dolphins; I think they'll relish any excuse to pop open some champagne bottles.
3. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 1)
Montreal lost its first game of the season in the same game that Didier Drogba made his season debut. In other words, Montreal without Drogba is 2-0-0, while Montreal with Drogba is 0-1-0.
4. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 5)
Who knows what we'll get from the LA Galactastars this season. They've looked good in two games, but also lost to a listless Colorado team. I trust Bruce, but the MLS season is a long grind for some of those aging European legs.
5. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 4)
Portland will be a fine team this year and will probably make the playoffs, but for whatever reason this week has seriously soured me on their title defense chances. Expect Portland to only be one-term champs.
6. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 7)
The Red Bulls have given up the most goals (8) in the league and have the worst goal differential (-4) in the league. Don't panic, Metrostar fans. It's early.
7. Toronto FC (Last Week: 6)
Operation Stay Afloat continues in earnest for Toronto. In the midst of an eight-game road trip to start the year, the Reds won't be able to play at BMO Field until May 7. Let's hope they packed enough underwear.
8. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 11)
Vancouver vaulted into the early lead of the Cascadia Cup standings with its win over Seattle this weekend. The over/under on the number of Timbers Army members this upset is 153.5.
9. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 8)
Mildly interesting note about the California Clásico: In 61 games in the rivalry, LA leads the all-time series 29-20-12. However, the goal differential is only six; LA has scored 88 goals go San Jose's 82.
10. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 10)
Frankly, I don't care if Houston ever wins a game so long as they keep playing in such entertaining ones. Houston is the highest-scoring team in the league with 11 goals, which is four more than second place LA. Owen Coyle is quickly creating the Loyola Marymount of MLS.
(What? It's March and I'm not allowed to make a college hoops reference?)
11. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 12)
RSL came through with a "steady as she goes" road draw at Portland. RSL's remade attack is doing pretty well in the early going, and is good for third in the league in terms of goals scored through the first three weeks.
12. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 9)
So Columbus is second last in the standings after three weeks with one point, above only Seattle. So why do I have the Crew rated much more highly? C-Bus at least has its identity. Seattle is like a teenage girl who can't decide which clique she should join. The Sounders desperately need a makeover, or at least a new pair of (DP quality) shoes.
13. Orlando City (Last Week: 15)
Don't look now, but Cyle Larin is still on pace to score 34 goals this season. Also, Orlando is one of three undefeated teams remaining in MLS. The others are Real Salt Lake and SKC.
14. New York City FC (Last Week: 13)
Listen to Patrick Vieira bark orders to Mix Diskerud near the end of this video. Listen to that French accent. Doesn't it just sound like expertise? I mean, come on. If all I had to go on was the sound of his voice, I would've have fired Alex Ferguson as my coach to bring Vieira in.
15. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 18)
If Philly could've converted its penalties, the Union could've dropped a five spot on New England this weekend. I have no idea if this says more about Philadelphia or the Revs.
16. New England Revolution (Last Week: 14)
I had this thought while watching the Revs this weekend: remember when Juan Agudelo was going to be the savior of U.S. Soccer? I'd give anything to have that kind of naiveté again.
17. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 16)
Your quote of the week is courtesy of Sigi Schmid:
Schmid: "It's a result-oriented business." If those don't change, "a lot of us could be looking for new jobs."— Matt Pentz (@mattpentz) March 20, 2016
You got that right.
18. D.C. United (Last Week: 17)
The fact that Lamar Neagle is now being counted on for a major contribution at D.C. is bad news for the Black and Red. Neagle has never been more than a nice role player, not an everyday starter.
19. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 19)
Tim Howard to Colorado is official. Some people are saying the move is bad for Colorado, which I can understand. At least now I'll have a reason to actually enjoy Colorado games (which, by the way, is also the logic that the Colorado front office used throughout this process).
20. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 20)
I believe in Chicago's new coach, Veljko Paunovic. I do not, however, believe in anyone currently playing for the Fire.