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The Mane Land MLS Power Rankings: Week 28

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We revisit the Ineptitude Rankings and I diss Caleb Porter in this week's power rankings.

Kyle Terada-USA TODAY Sports

I really thought I could have put this thing away for the year, but no.

The Ineptitude Standings (Number of times a team is involved in a 0-0)

1. Portland (5)

2. Colorado, RSL and SKC (4)

2. Dallas (3)

3. New England, Seattle, San Jose, Philly, LA and Montreal (2)

4. Houston, Columbus, NYCFC, NYRB, Vancouver, Toronto, D.C. and Orlando (1)

Chicago is still the only team to not play part in a 0-0 draw this year, and Portland has re-earned the crown for the most.

Hey Merritt Paulson, I've got a new slogan for you: "Portland Timbers Soccer: where you can pay $40 to watch a boring game, sit next to a smelly, bearded guy who talks to you about Whole Foods and Animal Collective, and watch a group of antisocial types bounce up and down en masse at one end of the stadium. Get in on the fun!"

1. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 1)

It feels dirty putting LA in first after they played to a 0-0 draw against Montreal this weekend. Add in the fact that this draw is following a 1-0 loss to San Jose last week and I probably should stop what I'm doing and take a shower.

In my defense, I would still bet on LA in any match-up throughout the league. However, if they don't get a W next week against RSL, they'll be packing their bags for a different spot on this list.

2. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 2)

Vancouver is one of three teams in the league with a (positive) double-figure goal differential. The others are LA and NYRB.

3. NY Red Bulls (Last Week: 3)

The Bulls have lost the fewest games of any team in the league. Last week I ranked the MLS Coach of the Year candidates and I put Carl Robinson first. I think I might have to revise that before the season ends. Jesse Marsch is making everyone forget who Mike Petke is.

4. FC Dallas (Last Week: 4)

Dallas' match-up with NYCFC this week was a game of opposite team-building philosophies. On one hand, you have a team which has played six homegrown players, has a coach that boasts that his academy is the "best in the country," and is tied for second in the league. On the other hand, you have a team that has signed big name after big name, has two World Cup winners, and is second to last in the league. Which team would you rather have?

5. New England Revolution (Last Week: 5)

If LA does drop in next week's rankings, look for New England to make a leap. The Revs have won five straight and appear to be on a mission to make another run at the MLS Cup.

6. Columbus Crew (Last Week: 6)

C-bus with Kei Kamara is, at times, as good a team as there is in the league. C-bus without Kamara is a struggle bus. Two more goals this week for the former SKC man. Do you think Kansas City fans miss him?

7. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 8)

For whatever reason, I have soured on Caleb Porter. Maybe it's the fact that he wears a scarf over his suit, or maybe it's the way he appears to whine when his team doesn't get a call. He just seems pretentious.

Either way, Portland is having their second best year in MLS, and could be dangerous come playoff time.

8. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 9)

9. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 10)

Seattle and San Jose drew this week after they were placed one place apart in last week's rankings. JUST MORE PROOF THAT THESE ARE THE BEST MLS POWER RANKINGS ON THE INTERNET. WOOOOOOOO.

10. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 7)

Don't look now, but Kansas City is flirting with missing the playoffs as the result of this gawd awful skid. After avoiding back-to-back losses all year, SKC has lost four of five and hasn't won in that span.

11. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 15)

The strength of the West is unreal. RSL put a whoopin' on Houston, and was last in the West just a week ago.

12. D.C. United (Last Week: 12)

D.C. United isn't winning anything this year. You've heard it here first for weeks now.

13. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 11)

So much for Houston using their attacking triumvirate to make a serious run at contending. Houston has just about played their way out of the playoff discussion after getting just two wins from their last seven. They're currently six points under the red line.

14. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 14)

How stupid was it to keep the ball in play on this goal?

15. Toronto FC (Last Week: 13)

Giovinco led TFC this week with 11 shots. That was more than double the next highest total on the team in their 3-1 loss to New England.

16. Orlando City (Last Week: 17)

I don't think it can be overstated how injuries have hurt Orlando this year. No Brek Shea for most of the season. No Kevin Molino. Those two alone are big enough contributors to have salvaged something for the Lions.

17. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 16)

Montreal is still in playoff position and will finish ahead of Orlando, but this week they'll go behind the Lions.

18. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 18)

19. New York City FC (Last Week: 19)

20. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 20)