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Throwin' Shade: Kansas City - the City so Awful, They Made Two

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Gearing up for a match against Sporting Kansas City means dusting off the ShadeThrower 5000 and aiming at a giant flyover metropolis that can't figure out what a state border means.

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

The time has come for our Orlando City Lions to take three points from what is possibly the most confused team in the league, Sporting Kansas City, a team with MLS history that dates back to 1995.

Well, Sporting isn't so old, but the Kansas City Wiz were pretty hot in the 90s and 2000s, rocking one of the most amazingly bad logos in sports history.

This would be funny if it wasn't a real logo, but I assure you, it is.

The original logo is just the tip of the iceberg for this city and franchise. Based in Kansas City, Missouri, while playing its games in Kansas City, Kansas, they've done their best to please both sides of the KC debate and -- believe it or not -- there's actually a debate between the two.

It's good they debate among themselves, as it's clear to any being with taste buds that the only other quality the Kansas Cities can brag about -- it's bar-be-que -- isn't even the best in the state, with St. Louis running away with the claim.

Yes, these are two separate cities with two separate operating governments, despite sharing the same name and the same desire for as much government as possible -- both equally ridiculous.

The real kicker is, there's absolutely nothing to do in either city. Sure, suburbs like Independence and Grandview have a handful of museums, but in Kansas City, you'll find little more than a few half-empty sports stadiums at the Truman Sports Complex.

Yes, the Truman Sports Complex. You know, Harry S. Truman, also known as one of the most controversial presidents in recent United States history, passing out fur coats and deep freezers as if they were Smarties on Halloween, leading to at least 166 IRB (now IRS) employees either resigning or being fired in 1950.

If only we had the gusto to go after those IRS bastards today. Ah, but I digress.

Today we focus on getting three points this weekend against a team on a slide as equally disgusting as ours, with an extra set of eyes on the Dom Dwyer/Aurelien Collin match-up that is sure to play a crucial role, as both men face their former teams.

Gearing up for the match, we can all remember one thing -- the boys in the Kansas Cities have got a great sense of humor.