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The Mane Land MLS Power Rankings: Week 23

I don't care what you or anyone else thinks, these are the best MLS power rankings on the web, dammit.

LA is staying on top this week, and that probably won't change for awhile.
LA is staying on top this week, and that probably won't change for awhile.
Gary A. Vasquez-USA TODAY Sports

Every week I surreptitiously look at how I've done in the weekly MLS Power Rankings Average that our friends at RSL Soapbox compile, and generally I think that their average rankings are pretty on the spot.

However, this week I've got a problem. If you click the link you can see that I ranked Seattle seven places lower than their average place according to my competition. Come on, kids. I have a hard time ranking Seattle higher than Chivas USA right now, much less any other team in the league. They've lost seven of eight, and have been shut out six times in that span. Until Dempsey and Martins come back, this team is terrible. Everyone should know that by now. Chad Barrett and his hamstring just aren't going to cut it.

This week's rankings look a lot like last week's. Why? Because I'm right and everyone else is wrong. Modesty be damned.

1. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 1)

To quote our own Kyle Foley on LA's lineup this week: "Holy moly."

I couldn't have said it better myself, Kyle.

2. D.C. United (Last Week: 2)

D.C. beating Montreal despite being out-shot 25 to one was the most MLS thing to happen this week.

It's roughly the equivalent of meeting a girl at the bar, chatting her up and buying her drinks for 45 minutes, only to see some other chump with a leather jacket and a white undershirt with holes and grease stains swoop in for the kill.

I'm not bitter. I promise.

This game does pour fuel on the "Bill Hamid is good" argument I had with a friend several months ago. Admittedly he watches considerably more of the Premier League than MLS, but he argued that past Brad Guzan at number two the USMNT goalkeeping depth chart is thin. Hamid's performance shows how untrue that is.

3. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 3)

4. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 4)

SKC and the 'Caps are now tied at 22 goals against as the stingiest defenses in the league.

5. FC Dallas (Last Week: 5)

6. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 7)

The Red Bulls are 6-1-1 over their last eight, which comes on the heels of a four game losing streak. Two of those six wins have come against NYCFC in the "New York Rivalry Game With a Name That Shows Significance to the City of New York But Isn't Referred to as a Derby" Game (Working Title).

7. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 9)

Way to go, DaMarcus Beasley. We're all happy for you. You give all guys on dry spells hope that there will be success ahead.

8. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 10)

9. Toronto FC (Last Week: 6)

Kudos to's Benjamin Baer for writing the piece that everyone that watches TFC has been thinking of. As Baer points out, Giovinco has been fabulous for TFC while Bradley and Altidore have been in and out of the camp due to injuries and national team duty all season. A second half with all three getting to know each other on the field, and with Altidore returning to his AZ Alkmaar form, can only produce more moments like this:

For my money, that's goal of the week.

10. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 12)

Kei Kamara had the other goal of the week nominee, if you ask me. How he never caught on across the pond is beyond me. Especially when you consider this guy played in the Premier League last season while also inhaling almost 20 donuts before every match. (That's a fake statistic. Don't jump on me all six of you American Leicester City fans.)

11. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 11)

12. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 8)

13. New England Revolution (Last Week: 14)

14. Orlando City (Last Week: 13)

At long last, Orlando has finally caved...

The Ineptitude Standings (Number of times a team is involved in a 0-0)

1. Colorado, RSL and Portland (4)

2. SKC and Dallas (3)

3. New England, Seattle, San Jose and Philly (2)

4. Houston, Columbus, LA, Montreal, NYCFC, NYRB, Vancouver, Toronto, D.C. and Orlando (1)

Help me, Chicago Fire. You're my only hope.

15. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 15)

16. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 16)

17. New York City FC (Last Week: 17)

You don't need me to tell you that NYCFC needs a young, energetic midfielder who can run for days to counteract the age of Pirlo and Lampard as well as the timidity of Diskerud. Someone just needs to tell Claudio Reyna that Tommy McNamara, while a nice piece, isn't that guy.

18. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 18)

19. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 19)

I lied earlier, this was the most MLS thing to happen this week:

20. Philadelphia Union (Last Week 20)

Really, Seattle should be here. But I, much like the other power rankings writers across the country, have some sentimental attachment to the rave green. Or we're all just stupid. That's more likely.