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The world has been captivated this week as the American Department of Justice and FBI have taken on FIFA, in what may be the largest sports corruption investigation in history.
Riveting, to be sure, but what if Orlando City fans are missing an even more nefarious plot in their very own backyard?!
OK, fine, it's unlikely. But so was FIFA executive Chuck Blazer having a $6000/month apartment for his cats, and that happened! With that in mind, I gave some thought to a few sensational conspiracy theories and cover-ups that may just come out about Orlando City.
Owner and President Phil Rawlins Isn't Who You Think He Is!
Rawlins, and his wife Kay, have been mainstays around the team and in the community since the club first moved to Orlando in 2011. Far from a typical owner, Phil is a true man of the people, and on a first name basis with hundreds of press members and fans. But is he really who we think he is?
Serious question: Have you ever seen Phil Rawlins and David Beckham in the same room before? Doesn't it seem strange that one of the most rich and powerful athletes in the world has been so incapable of starting an MLS franchise? Well perhaps that's because he already did!
Back in 2011, when Beckham was on the verge of retiring, he realized that he wanted to spend more time with his family and get out of the glamorous lifestyle he'd spent most of his life in. However, he had an image to keep up with the media and advertisers, and starting a team in quiet little Orlando never would have vibed with that. So, while he publicly pretended to court Miami, he privately created the Rawlins character to make MLS in Orlando happen. Of course, the jury's still out on whether or not Kay Rawlins is actually Posh Spice...
Young Players to Be Used as Laborers on New Stadium Project
From the moment Orlando City first began signing players to MLS contracts, it was clear that they were doing so with youth in mind. However, it wasn't for the reasons we thought!
With a new stadium to be completed by Summer 2016, Orlando City needs thousands of hours of work put in to ensure its timely completion. That's where Harrison Heath, Tyler Turner, and the other U-20 Lions come in! The players are in peak physical condition, yet with their MLS rookie wages, they make less than a good union construction crew. How do you think Flávio Augusto da Silva can afford to privately finance the stadium deal?!
Kevin Molino Renting $6000/month Winter Park Loft...For His Pants
Why do you think the beer prices are so high at the Citrus Bowl?! For every beer sold, Molino skims a dollar off the top that goes toward the rent on his spacious Winter Park apartment that he uses solely for his pants collection.
Seriously though, this one's actually plausible. No one closet could hold that many glorious pairs of pants.
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Did I miss anything? Best Orlando City conspiracy theory in the comment section gets a shout-out on our next PawedCast!