This week in Major League Soccer felt like 12 Angry Men; no one wanted to be there, the fan wasn't working, and we were all left just yelling at each other.
Of the 11 weeks I've written this column, this week was probably the most perplexing. The two bottom teams in the East beat the first place team and a perennial power. The defending champions lost by four goals. Houston looked like the best team in the league. My brain hurts.
Let's run this up the flag pole and see if anyone salutes it.
1. FC Dallas (Last Week: 1)
2. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 2)
Generally, as I hope some of you know by now, I hate 0-0 draws. But this week I was actually a little thankful for the draw between Dallas and NYRB because it actually made sense. Last week's top two stay atop the heap thanks to the mess that happened behind them.
3. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 4)
I love watching Seattle, and you should too.
Sounders had 4 separate passing sequences of at least 22 consecutive completions, each taking about 1:30 off clock. Two led to good chances.— Jeremiah Oshan (@JeremiahOshan) May 18, 2015
When the Sounders are on, they're the best team in the league, and with LA looking like a down and out version of themselves, a path to the MLS Cup Final may be opening up.
4. New England Revolution (Last Week: 3)
5. D.C. United (Last Week: 8)
This week might be the only week ever that a team can lose to Philly and actually gain places in these rankings. That's how ridiculous this week was.
6. Columbus Crew (Last Week: 7)
7. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 11)
I believe in Owen Coyle, which is one of the big reasons that Houston is the benefactor of the crazy MLS week we just had. The Scot has pushed Giles Barnes into a more creative role underneath Will Bruin, which I think is brilliant because it makes room for another talented attacker in the form of Cubo Torres (that is, of course, if Torres still makes it to Houston). Houston has won two straight.
8. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 10)
I hate San Jose, mostly because when I watch them I fall asleep. But Wondo keeps scoring and the Quakes keep winning which, after a week like this, is something to appreciate. The Quakes are undefeated in four.
9. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 6)
10. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 5)
The problem with LA is that they are so very un-LA right now. No pomp, no circumstance, no flash, and no showtime. Steven Gerrard may not be the answer, but the Galaxy better hope he is before LA's fair weather fans start trading in their slashed jerseys for something in red and black.
This might sound silly, but it's possible that we haven't been giving Landon Donovan and Robbie Keane enough credit for LA's dominant run of the last six years.
11. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 9)
Every time I watch RSL I get a little sad that Luis Gil hasn't become the dominant creative force that we all hoped he could be. To be blunt, the absence of Javier Morales has put the burden of opportunity squarely on the shoulders of Gil, and he's been less than spectacular.
12. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 12)
13. Toronto FC (Last Week: 13)
I'm sure this goal had Jurgen Klinsmann giddy:
Considering the controversy that Klinsy was met with after experimenting with Bradley's position with the national team, it seems the General may be learning to love the role. Pair that with Jermaine Jones' success at center back for New England the past three weeks leading up to this one, and it seems that Klinsmann the mad scientist may not be so mad after all.
14. Orlando City (Last Week: 16)
Good on Orlando to take advantage of a depleted and disheveled LA. To sum up the Lions' dominance of the defending champs, I give you this quote from ESPN's play-by-play announcer for the match, Glenn Davis.
"It is relentless. It has not stopped here today. An insatiable appetite from Orlando City to score goals."
- ESPN's Glenn Davis in the second half of Orlando-LA
15. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 14)
16. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 15)
17. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 17)
18. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 20)
Is it silly of me to think that Montreal can ride the momentum of their CCL run to actually contribute something to the MLS conversation this year? Probably. Chances are, after I finally give them some credit, they'll lose six straight.
19. New York City FC (Last Week: 18)
20. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 19)
That's right Philly fans, you finally win and I drop you in the rankings. It's been that kind of week.