The less said about Orlando City's scoring prowess the better, so let's just get to the rest of the MLS action.
Chicago Fire 1 - 0 New York City FC
The story of this match was a simple one. With David Villa and Josh Saunders both out for the Yanks, this was the David Accam show from whistle to whistle. Creating chance after chance with relentless pressure and a high intensity workrate, Accam was rewarded by the soccer gods when stand-in keeper David Meara mishandled a back pass so horridly, it's rumored New York Red Bulls are looking to let NYCFC extend his loan eternally for free.
Sportscenter Not Top 10, anyone?
Colorado Rapids 1 - 1 FC Dallas
The best thing about watching two teams play each other twice in relatively quick fashion is the venting of frustration from the first match. This week the fun was brought to us by way of two Western Conference foes, with Dallas' Matt Hedges being the first to earn his place in the book in just the seventh minute.
With a one-goal lead early in the second half, Blas Perez "lost his mind," as the broadcast team put it, when he earned a straight red for fighting.
It didn't take long for Kellyn Acosta to seek his own brand of vigilante justice.
Columbus Crew 4 - 1 Philadelphia Union
The Crew continues to impress, mugging the Union after taming our Lions last weekend. Michael Lahoud would make his presence felt on the game the only way you can when you're being outclassed 3-0 early in the second half.
When Eric Ayuk Mbu scored for Philly to make it a 3-1 game, he put on a show to etch his name into the hearts and minds of us all.
New England Revoultion 4 - 0 Real Salt Lake
John Stertzer made the mistake of pissing off the Revs early when he went hard at Juan Agudelo's ankle.
Agudelo would come for revenge just before half, scoring off a bad rebound from Jeff Attinella.
Real showed their class down the stretch when the game went out of reach.
That's not a typo. This game was insane from beginning to end. The opening strike was thrown by recap regular Krisztian Nemeth (seriously, this guy is having a helluva season so far) after Kofi Sarkodie fell down for no apparent reason.
Giles Barnes wasn't going to let Nemeth steal the show that easy, however.
Dom Dwyer was uncharacteristically poor on the attack before finally finding the back of the net, looking a lot like our current strikers.
Kevin Ellis got KC some revenge on Giles Barnes for his earlier volley.
In what has to be one of the most groan inducing calls of the year so far, Jermaine Taylor was sent off for a phantom handball card to leave Houston down a man for the remainder.
Vancouver Whitecaps 1 - 2 DC United
These two early season leaders collided in a high stakes affair that saw the Whitecaps lose for just the first time this season, ending their bid for an undefeated year.
Sam Adekugbe would continue the trend of quick yellows, earning his in the seventh minute.
It was a yellow card for Matias Laba for an actual handball with the score equal at one.
Not content with just one yellow, Laba earned an early exit minutes before the halftime mark.
And to cap off the joy, Adekugbe beautifully blew an empty net and a chance to equalize in stoppage time.
New York Red Bulls 1 - 1 Los Angeles Galaxy
Bradford Jamieson IV got the action going early in this one, pulling a dribble right out of FIFA 15 to score his first goal for the Galaxy.
LA blew all kinds of opportunities for an insurance goal, with both Gyasi Zardes and Alan Gordon unable to finish good chances.
The equalizer for New York came when Felipe Martins ate a deflection that bounced off his face and into the back of the net.
Goal of the week in my view.
The Sounders earned three points in a rather quiet finish to the Sunday MLS triple header, topping the Timbers in what had been hyped as quite the rivalry showcase.
Marco Pappa put a good try on the ball from half a mile outside the box to work the keeper and get the crowd on their feet.
Some of Week 7's stars showed their class when Obafemi Martins spun off a defender to find Clint Dempsey, who played a clean feed to Lamar Neagle's long-range try, only to be thwarted by Adam Kawarsey.
It wasn't until the 76th minute that Dempsey could catch Kawarsey oddly flailing around while fumbling a save for an easy goal.
That's it for Week 8. Orlando City has no MLS match in Week 9 so...maybe the Lions will score?