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Throwin' Shade: Some Friendly Trash Talk Ahead of Orlando City SC vs. Columbus Crew

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After taking three points with brilliance from those lumberquacks from Portland, what do the boys of Orlando City have to look forward to when traveling to Columbus to do the same to the Crew?

Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

There's a different feeling heading into this weekend as opposed to last. Concern was abundant before Cyle Larin, Kaká and company went to Portland to put on a little show for the folks in the Pacific Northwest.

Works of art the likes of which we haven't seen since Michaelangelo was painting ceilings.

Heading into this weekend, our Lions of Orlando City (2-2-2) head north to the state of Ohio to square up opposite the Columbus Crew (1-2-2), who currently sit three points behind the good guys in the Eastern Conference standings.

Columbus is actually a thriving, booming city. I'm as surprised as you are. As far as I knew, nothing in Ohio thrived outside of Ohio State University. In 2008, Columbus received the honor of being named the #1 up and coming tech city in the nation, a prestigious accomplishment that's worthy of respect.

Hm.

Well, Columbus is also known for it's beautiful parks and landmarks, most notably Columbus and Franklin County Metropolitan Park District, not to mention Whetstone Park, home of the sweet aroma of the Park of Roses.

Columbus is admired for its deep sense of culture. Boasting impressive museums like the Columbus Museum of Art and with the world renowned Columbus Zoo and Aquarium, residents of Columbus have a deep sense of pride in being respected, well-cultured individuals.

Well, damn.

At least the players behave with nothing but class on the pitch.

Or not.

The Crew deserve credit for being the first team to build themselves a soccer specific stadium in 1999, and for naming it Columbus Crew Stadium instead of succumbing to the temptation of letting some foreign country name it something stupid for a quick buck, complete with cheesy cinematic marketing materials.

Whoops.

Well, there is a cup named after original owner Lamar Hunt, the Lamar Hunt U.S. Open Cup.  We'll just pretend that rival Chicago Fire don't have 4x the Cup wins as the Crew.

At the end of the day, the entire city of Columbus can be summed up with one highlight from their beloved Columbus Crew SC.

Good, just not nearly good enough.

Where will you be watching when the good guys in purple travel into the B+ city of Columbus Ohio to triumphantly bring three points back to the City Beautiful?