I like watching MLS games. I don't like, however, watching MLS games where the best players from the best teams aren't playing. You'd think that MLS wouldn't consistently try so hard to do stupid things, but you'd be wrong.
With international duty claiming some key players from match-ups throughout the league, these may the most irrelevant results of the season, but they still count. Let's get to the aftermath of a weekend which shouldn't have happened.
1. FC Dallas (Last Week: 2)
2. LA Galaxy (Last Week: 1)
I really didn't want to make the switch between Dallas and LA, but the unrecognized international break forced my hand. You've gotta think with Robbie Keane in the lineup LA gets a few more chances on the road against DC and if they had achieved any result other than a loss, they would have stayed top. But, as the weekend was, Dallas remained unbeaten by holding on to a home point without Blas Perez while down a man at home to Seattle, and LA lost to DC. The race for first place figures to be intense.
Interesting side note: It looks like Dallas is consistently getting strong attendance numbers so far, at least relative to years past. This makes me happy, especially considering how good this team might be. I'm glad you're paying attention, Dallas (Frisco? North Texas at large?).
3. New York Red Bulls (Last Week: 5)
NYRB just keeps on chugging along, and Jesse Marsch is proving that his departure from Montreal after the Impact's inaugural season might have been a mistake. While you might say that the Metros had an advantage after Columbus lost Federico Higuain to a second yellow, all of the game's goals were scored prior to his sending off.
4. Seattle Sounders (Last Week: 3)
There were zero shots on goal between Dallas and Seattle on Saturday. None. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Zero. This game was the soccer equivalent of that one night in your first semester of college where you blacked out and made a few terrible decisions (What was her name? Liz, I think?). Let's all take a shower, rid ourselves of the stench and agree to forget this one ever happened.
Also, a 0-0 draw against a team that was down a man for the last 70+ minutes should count as a loss. If I were the God of Soccer, that team would have to forfeit that point. You're lucky I'm not in charge, Seattle.
Here, see how bad it was for yourself. Seattle-Dallas Highlights:
5. D.C. United (Last Week: 7)
6. Real Salt Lake (Last Week: 9)
Salt Lake has finally begun what had to be an expected climb up the power rankings. After a rocky first couple of weeks, the Claret and Cobalt finally registered a win. RSL has been MLS royalty for years, and the core has remained intact. There's no way they don't crack the top five soon.
Also, I get that it was only one goal, but I like the look of this Jordan Allen kid. Plus, the fact that RSL gave him the number 7 has to mean something good for his future.
7. Columbus Crew SC (Last Week: 4)
8. Vancouver Whitecaps (Last Week: 10)
9. Toronto FC (Last Week: 6)
I hate the way MLS handled the FIFA break and I'm not a Toronto fan, so there's no telling how angry our Maple Leaf-loving, red-clad friends from up north are about it. With two of Toronto's three big-money players across the pond on international duty, this week's meeting with RSL was hardly a representative game for TFC. The way Jozy Altidore looked against Denmark, with a goal out of nothing and an assist to boot, there's no way his impact wasn't missed by his club.
Damn you, MLS. You took away a titanic early season match-up away from us, and you don't even know why you did it.
10. San Jose Earthquakes (Last Week: 11)
11. New York City FC (Last Week: 8)
12. Orlando City SC (Last Week: 12)
Orlando just seems to not quite have figured it out. They had a terrific offensive game, but were nullified by mistakes on the other end. Perhaps I'm more bullish than I should be, but if this team can begin to put together complete performances on both ends of the field they can be a contender in the wide open East.
Just give the ball to Kaká. Good things happen.
13. Sporting Kansas City (Last Week: 15)
I see you, SKC. The big question from a Kansas City perspective: Can Graham Zusi get back to Saint Zusi levels this season?
14. New England Revolution (Last Week: 18)
The Revs finally got off the schneid this week, and it's about time. This team was too good last year to stay in the dump for long, with or without their German-American talisman, Jermaine Jones.
15. Portland Timbers (Last Week: 13)
16. Houston Dynamo (Last Week: 14)
17. Chicago Fire (Last Week: 20)
Fire-Union is a national TV game? Why does god hate us?— Kevin McCauley (@kevinmccauley) March 27, 2015
The Fire might as well rename themselves The Harry Shipp Soccer Club.
How do we get Harry Shipp to, say, RSL when Javier Morales is done? That would be nice. #FreeHarryShipp— Andy Edwards (@AndyEdMLS) March 29, 2015
If David Stern were the commissioner of MLS, this totally would happen. Wait, Don Garber is the commissioner of MLS, so it's still going to happen. I'm sure at this point, Harry wouldn't mind it either.
18. Montreal Impact (Last Week: 19)
Why does Montreal insist on wearing their all blue home jersey when they have this shirt? Not only does it have history with the the club, it is hands-down the best look in the league. Come on Montreal/Adidas/Soccer Gods, we're making this way too difficult.
19. Philadelphia Union (Last Week: 16)
20. Colorado Rapids (Last Week: 17)
So are these the worst power rankings ever, or am I on point? Let us know in the comments section below.