Our Orlando City SC Lions fought tooth and nail on a carpet in Montreal, managing to come away with a point, following some big plays from both Kaká and Pedro Ribeiro. Check out Andrew Marcinko's player grades and recap to get up to speed on the 2-2 result. As for the rest of the MLS? You're in the right spot.
The ice was broken in the 21st minute in this match-up between opposite ends of the country, when Kelyn Rowe put one in the back of the net off the face of Shaun Francis. This being after Francis gave the ball up. Check out the way he hustles back just to eat leather.
Rowe went for his second in the 35th, poorly receiving the play before David Bingham put an end to the nonsense.
Bingham simply couldn't catch a break, as his defense fell asleep again just two minutes later on a set piece from the left side.
Though UMSNT representative Chris Wondolowski (who is still not forgiven for the World Cup) would score from the PK spot in the 62nd, San Jose was about as threatening as a pillow for much of the match.
The soccer Yankees ate defeat for the first time this season, looking timid, indecisive, and flat out poor without designated player David Villa, who was reportedly laughing his ass off with Frank Lampard in England.**
What were they laughing at? Why, the pitch they're expected to play on stateside, of course. Matt Besler and Ike Opara were laughing, too, as they connected on this ridiculous throw-in to score the game's only goal.
Graham Zusi and Benny Feilhaber were menacing on the attack for the entirety of Zusi's 36 minutes, before he left with an injury, but they simply couldn't get the finish and insurance goal they were chasing.
**Fictional report made up by me.
D.C. United 1- 0 LA Galaxy
What was a game of almosts ended with a thrill, when the tattered and torn D.C. United squeaked out a 1-nil win for three points over the defending MLS Cup champions.
Mika Vayryned almost opened the scoring in the eighth minute, curling a free kick just a tad too much to tease the fans.
United keeper Bill Hamid was tested again late in the first half, when the hero of the Sounders match, Alan Gordon, put a strong head on the ball in the 42nd.
Chris Pontius put on his jetpack for this try against Brian Rowe, somehow being stopped after headbutting the ball with serious fury.
He would refuse to be denied in extra time, diving into this headed try to bring the fans three points at home.
I'm not sure what's better, the goal or the injured player's incredible recovery time. They're naming their first born sons Pontius over at Black and Red United, while LAG Confidential tries to figure out what in the hell just happened.
Columbus Crew 1 - 2 New York Red Bulls
This, my friends, was a soccer match. Hard fouls, fast counters, ambitious tries at goal, they had it all in Columbus.
Except the ability to win.
To start the fun, Damien Perrinelle was playing a little too rough with Federico Higuain for the official's liking, brandishing a yellow in what would prove to be just the tip of the iceberg.
Higuain had revenge on his mind, sliding late at Perrinelle when the opportunity presented itself 20 minutes later.
Just after halftime, Emanuel Pogatetz decided he'd had enough of Lloyd Sam standing up, yanking the rug out from under him in brutal (and entertaining) fashion.
The perennially brilliant Bradley Wright-Phillips would score the penalty, setting the stage for Tony Tchani to equalize when a corner wound up at his feet on the far side of the box.
The comeback would be for naught, as Mike Grella turned the difficulty down to "amateur" to connect on this positively ludicrous chip from about a mile and a half out.
The villains from last week were at it again, this time sneaking three points from the grasp of the Timbers. George Fochive put a scorcher on net from distance, but David Ousted turned away with an A+ effort.
Octavio Rivero drew a foul in the 15th minute, setting up Nicolas Mezquida for this cheat code free kick.
Speedster Darlington Nagbe would get a little ballsy, as Portland pressed onward to equalize.
In the 82nd, Portland would finally find the tally they'd been working so hard to come up with, when Fanendo Adi cleaned up a Rodney Wallace low cross.
It was all to be rendered irrelevant in the 89th, when Robert Earnshaw decided that draws are stupid and he is not.
These sides stood there and stared at each other for most of the match, as neither seemed to know how to build an attack. This would be a complete waste of 90 minutes if not for the exploits of Dynamo keeper Tyler Deric.
Marcelo Sarvas put the first worthwhile thing on net early on in the 16th minute, following some slick passing from the Rapids.
Before Brad Davis kindly gave the ball to Rapids goalkeeper Clint Irwin.
Deric magic struck again, as Sarvas had him at point blank range and couldn't get the ball past the Houston Wall.
The game would limp on to the nil-nil finish as both teams left the stadium with a point in their pocket.
Dynamo Theory will soon be renamed in honor of Tyler Deric, while Burgundy Wave is mourning a 510-minute scoreless drought and the designation of being the first club in league history to open the season with three straight 0-0 draws. Sounds exciting.
FC Dallas 0 - 0 Seattle Sounders
Between representing their countries and nursing their injuries, this was a game completely devoid of star talent and the product on the pitch showed that void in spades.
Chad Barrett first blew it for Seattle in the 53rd, pushing a header far beyond the reach of the goal post.
Followed up by a one-on-one miss in the 72nd that makes even the boldest OCSC fan cringe.
We did get to see Kelyn Acosta practice his kung fu, at least.
On national television (ESPN2), the Chicago Fire faithful proved their worthiness with a perfect "Holy Shipp!" chant whenever Harrison made an impact on the game.
Quincy Amarikwa was not having the same luck.
The most influential impact Shipp made? Easy.
Real Salt Lake 2 - 1 Toronto FC
Luke Mulholland opened the scoring with a phenomenal run and even better finish to put RSL on the board first.
Jackson would score despite a tough touch in the box, slipping it past the keeper to even the score in the 87th minute, seemingly securing a point for Toronto on the road.
It's too bad for Toronto that Jordan Allen is a winner.
Helluva way to score your first career MLS goal, eh?
Some good goals, strong saves, and a sweet kung fu kick helped make for an exciting weekend in MLS. What was your No. 1 highlight? And, if you say McInerney's chip, you will be reported to authorities.